Foster Parenting: One Ordinary Couple’s Extraordinary Love
Beginning of Foster Care Journey
Mary Norris has always felt a special connection with children. She remembers as a young child visiting her neighbor, who was a foster mom. “I went over to her house almost every day and helped her cook or make lunches for the other kids,” Mary fondly recalls. “I knew that one day I wanted to be like my neighbor.”
When Mary married her husband, Greg, in 2008, he became a father figure to Mary’s three biological children. The couple wanted to add more children to their family and started praying about adoption. Through a series of events, including prayer with a church adoption ministry and an unexpected conversation Greg had with an adoptive mom at work, the Norrises decide to adopt from Ethiopia.
But the adoption journey did not go as expected. First, their international agency closed. Then, Greg and Mary decided to become licensed to adopt from foster care. They inquired on more than 150 available children without a placement occurring. In time, the couple became aware of a baby in California who needed an adoptive family. Greg and Mary proceeded to adopt their son, Nate, through an open adoption agreement. “We talk regularly with Nate’s birth mom,” says Mary. “We pray for each other, FaceTime, and have a great relationship.”
Becoming Respite Providers
After Nate’s adoption, Greg and Mary became licensed for respite care so they could give other foster families a weekend off or a week of vacation. “I felt so unequipped for that first respite placement,” Mary relates. For more than four years now, the Norrises have opened their hearts, lives, and home to 29 children in need of a temporary, stable place to live. Their family presently consists of seven children in the home—Nate and six other foster placements, four of whom the couple is adopting. “It’s not always easy, but it is always rewarding,” Mary shares. “People often ask me how we do it, and I tell them, ‘You just do it!’ The kids deserve it.”
Greg and Mary attribute their success as foster parents to the support they receive from a small community of five other foster families. “Two of the ladies met at Bible study and began a friendship,” Mary explains. Soon, three more families came along and the group evolved into a supportive extended family. “Between the five families, we are 30 strong!” marvels Mary. “Each family has at least five children in the home and we provide respite for each other, we celebrate holidays and birthdays together, we have a family game night once a month, and we simply love each other’s kids.” One of Mary’s favorite parts of the group is that the five families come from four different churches. “It’s a picture of God’s Kingdom,” she says.
Mary says another key to successful foster parenting is remembering to carve out time for their marriage. “It’s so important,” she emphasizes, “to remember you are friends and pour into each other. Greg and I are doing a Bible study on marriage together and that time in God’s Word with one another really makes a difference.”
Greg and Mary don’t want anyone to place them on a pedestal. “This whole journey of foster parenting has shown me the sin that is still in my heart,” Mary explains. “I could feel righteous quickly, but Jesus is faithful to show me where I need healing in my own heart. He still loves me in spite of my sin, and my sin is no different than anyone else’s.”
Words of Wisdom
Mary’s words of wisdom for anyone considering the foster journey include:
- Advocate for your kids without fear
- Communicate clearly and offer understanding
- Ask a lot of questions
- Be direct
- Enjoy the wonderful, beautiful relationships on the journey, not only with the kids in your care, but also with other families, social workers, and birth families
“I get to love on kids!” exclaims Mary. “We have a relationship with all of the kids’ birth families. We try to make the best family circle we can for these kids. It isn’t always easy, but it is rewarding.” It is clear that Mary has grown up to be just like her childhood neighbor.