Everyone Needs to Understand Trauma

Before Understanding Trauma

What goes through your mind as you watch a 7-year-old child go through a complete meltdown at a restaurant?  You hear a little of the story (or maybe you couldn’t help but hear) that the whole tantrum is because the restaurant doesn’t have chicken nuggets, just chicken strips.  You watch the parent talking softly to the child while being hit, kicked, and screamed at.

If you are like the earlier version of me, you are thinking that these parents need to get it together and let this child know who is the parent and the child needs consequences when first time obedience isn’t displayed.  You may even want to make a comment to these parents and offer a few tips to keep these embarrassing moments from happening for them.

 As I said that was the earlier version of me.  Two trauma filled adopted children later, I am so glad I never approached those families in restaurants.  We became educated out of necessity as my know-it-all parenting skills were failing me each and every day.  I experienced plenty of the restaurant break downs, soccer field blow ups, and countless other events.

Learning and understanding Trauma

As we learned, I started to understand I was doing more harm than good to these children raised in trauma. My wife and I started training anyone who would listen about complex developmental trauma because in order to help, you need to understand.

 Understanding trauma is beneficial in the following ways:

1.     You can learn how to engage and truly help someone who experienced trauma

2.     You can learn about your own trauma and how your trauma affects your ability to help someone else.

3.     You can learn to look at our society today through a different lens having a bit more compassion for those around us.

 Children experience trauma usually through neglect or abuse by a loved one or someone they trust.  If you are going help one of these children, trust is exactly where you need to start.  This means you look past the behavior with the goal of making an unconditional connection with the troubled child and begin a journey to trust.  Healing doesn’t begin until trust is established.

 Here is where your own trauma becomes a factor.  A child could behave in a way that triggers your own past.  Maybe they call you a name, or make a comment about your physique, or some other sensitive matter.  Your ability to manage through this attack in a calm and forgiving manner means everything.

 We could cover much more on this topic, but I hope before you judge a situation, a child, or an adult on how they are coping with a challenge, you may have some grace and compassion that this person before, may be doing their very best considering their past experiences.

Trauma Training Available

If you would like to know more about trauma, Orphan Care Alliance offers a 2-hour overview version, a 6 hour training for secondary caregivers like teachers, day care workers, and children’s worship leaders, and a 12 hour training for foster and adoptive parents.  Please contact us at info@orphancarealliance.org