The Value of Connect Groups: One Adoptive Family’s Story
Abby and her husband have four children, all adopted from Ethiopia between the ages of 8 and 13. Friends and family were excited to support them when they decided to adopt. Their church helped them raise funds and gathered around them while they waited to bring their children home. When they brought home their first two babies, a three-year-old and a 14- month- old, friends from church brought meals and celebrated with them. Everyone was excited that the children were in their forever home and all was well. Family and friends thought the hard part was over; however, the journey of healing for Abby’s family had only just begun. Well-meaning friends had no idea about the overwhelming, day-to-day effects of trauma on her family. They had no idea how to provide ongoing support for her family through a journey that continues to be challenging, especially after adopting two more children. Abby said, “The reality is, I probably need a meal more today than I did when I first brought my children home.”
When OCA launched a Connect Group in Frankfort two years ago, Abby and her husband joined immediately. “The value of the OCA Connect Group is having people who understand the effects of trauma on our kids and the challenges we face day-to-day. They don’t always have answers, but they understand.” Abby said it was a relief to find a place where she could be honest and come in when she felt completely depleted, without anyone expecting something from her. She encourages other foster and adoptive families to join an OCA Connect group and seek help when they are feeling overwhelmed. “Satan likes to isolate you, taunt you and bring guilt and shame on you for your adoptive home being something other than you imagined. This is a group where you can walk in, a complete mess, and find empathy and understanding. They will listen to you and pray for you and encourage you.” Abby said the Connect group has made a huge difference, knowing she can call anyone in the group and they will be there for her at a moment’s notice.
The truth is, many adoptive and foster families find themselves in challenging situations and don’t know where to turn for support. It is difficult for them to ask for help because people’s perception of adoption is that once the children are in a loving family, the struggles they face are the same as any other typical family. The reality is the struggles can be very different than those in typical families. Trauma affects every child who is in foster care or who is adopted, no matter how young they are when they come into a loving home.
Abby said, “OCA Connect is the link that was missing for us. We need people who understand that trauma is hard and it is a part of our lives every day. It doesn’t just go away and, in fact, gets harder during some stages of our children’s lives. This isn’t something you talk about with just anyone or share on social media. We need people we can be honest with about our struggles.”
OCA Connect groups are designed for foster and adoptive parents in any part of their journey to find support. A trauma-trained professional facilitates every OCA Connect group to guide the conversation and teach about common issues foster and adoptive families face. If you are a foster or adoptive parent, come to an OCA Connect group and find a place of empathy, understanding, and encouragement. You might not find all the answers, but you will find a group of people who will walk alongside you. You will find that you are not alone on your adoptive or foster care journey.
To find a Connect Group near you visit https://www.orphancarealliance.org/connect-groups