When Helping Hurts…You

We live in a broken world in need of the hope of the only One who can save. Sometimes sharing the love of the Savior means stepping into that brokenness and living a life of sacrifice. We are not called to live a life of ease, but to pick up our cross and follow Jesus. The call to foster or adopt is an opportunity to share in that brokenness and bring light to the darkest of places; however, it is not always easy.

•  How do we respond to our children when they return our love with anger or hurt us deeply? 

•  How do we shine the light of Jesus when we ourselves are broken by those we are helping?

Here are three principles to guide and encourage you as you follow Jesus through your pain:

 1)   Choose to respond in love

So many children from difficult backgrounds do not know how to accept or receive love. They respond with hatred, anger or silence. Learning to respond in love is a daily struggle for me as an adoptive parent. It is important not to take the negative responses personally, but instead to help your child through their trauma. Respond consistently in love despite your own hurt, and see how God will bring healing. Foster parents need to choose to respond in love and understanding to birth families, despite the circumstances.

2)   Learn forgiveness

It can be difficult to forgive a child who is constantly hurting your heart; however, it is important to not let bitterness set in. Most of the child’s behaviors are symptoms of a deeper problem. Learning to forgive and continue to respond with grace is imperative to building a relationship with your child. It is also important to learn to forgive your child’s birth family for the hurt and anguish they brought to your child.

3)  Cling to the Lord

I remember one particular time when I was struggling with my daughter who was adopted at age seven. I remember crying out to the Lord and telling Him how I felt crushed and totally broken because of how she was taking out her anger on me. He led me to this verse:

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

- Psalm 34:18,

There is nothing like clinging to the Lord in times of anguish. He will become close to you if you reach out to Him in your times of need. Remember He is also close to your children during their times of heartache. Cling to Him because He is near to you.

Jesus set the example for us when He chose to go to the cross. He responded to those who hurt him with love. He forgave those who hurt Him. He took His burden to His Father in His darkest hour. When we apply these principles to parenting children from difficult backgrounds, we find that He will give us strength day to day. He will bring beauty from our brokenness.