Helping Your Child Find Healing with TBRI®
Trauma can come in many forms, especially in children with a background of adoption and foster care. Some of the best parents can struggle with how to help their children heal from the trauma that they have endured. No matter how incredible the parents are, or how feisty and fierce they are as advocates, it can be a downright difficult journey. To help you on this journey we want to tell you about what we have found to be one of the biggest forms of help; the use of Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI®)
TBRI® is an attachment-based, trauma-informed intervention that is designed to meet the complex needs of vulnerable children. TBRI® uses Empowering Principles to address physical and environmental needs, Connecting Principles for attachment needs and engagement, and Correcting Principles to disarm fear-based behaviors. The three basic principles are: Empower, Connect, and Correct.
The heartbeat of TBRI® is connection. Always getting back to the connection of your child is the most important thing you can do for them. Really seeing them and their needs, and not just their behavior, is important to the child. Empowering focuses on the child’s physical needs such as hunger, thirst, or imbalances that will affect how they respond to the parent and their behavior. Once a child has returned to a calm state with the ability to learn, correcting focuses on techniques used for disarming fear-based behavior and the consequences that may come with the inappropriate behaviors.
Will (name changed to protect identity), was adopted at 13-months-old from Asia. For about 6 years his parents were not aware of TBRI® and the help, awareness, and healing that it could bring to Will and their family. Like most parents, they were “winging” it. Even though he was adopted at a fairly young age, the trauma was still there from being separated from his birth mom and spending time in an orphanage. At the age of 15, they noticed the effects of the trauma still in his life. They were visiting their hometown and went out to eat with their family. At some point during dinner, Will asked his dad, “What would you do if someone came in here and tried to hurt us or someone else?” Not a typical thing for a 15-year-old to be thinking about. His dad said he didn’t know because he didn’t really perceive a threat or wasn’t worried about it occurring. Will went on to explain that he would use either the fireplace poker or a coat rack to defend himself. Children with trauma are often on heightened alert and constantly checking for the next threat.
Will’s dad, thankfully, had the tools from TBRI® at this point and was able to talk to him about things he could do to help him feel safe (felt safety). To this day, Will likes to sit facing the door if he’s out somewhere. It’s an ongoing process that Will's parents pour into. Will rarely feels safe, while his parents rarely feel unsafe. Learning that Will operates from a survival part of his brain; his safety is a high priority for him. Rather than dismissing his feelings they now know that they need to be acknowledged, and they can now equip Will with ways to feel safe. Things like, more than enough lights on in the house, and even addressing the source of odd noises around the house.
Just like Will’s parents, navigating trauma is an ongoing process. Here are some tips to guide you with the help of TBRI®:
1. Always get back to connection with the child- There are two strategies; Mindful Awareness and Engagement.
Engagement strategies include behavioral matching, playful engagement, valuing eye contact, healthy touch, and authoritative voice. Mindful Awareness is essentially becoming self-aware and having awareness in the daily moments of parenting. It allows you to “see” our children’s needs behind the behavior and also to “see” our own needs as caregivers.
Mindful awareness is associated with secure attachments and with empathy and morality, emotional balance, intuition and insight, and self-regulation. Not everyone feels ‘mindful’ and that’s okay because, through mindful practices and self-exploration, we can cultivate mindfulness and form what is called “earned-secure” attachment as parents.
2. Increasing felt safety- Help them to learn how to regulate themselves. Learning to self-regulate helps internally to feel more in control. Essential practices to put in your child’s schedule is to eat food every two hours, drink water every two hours, and physical activity every two hours. Also, signal safety, since kids from hard places often look at nonverbal cues to know if they are safe. Like, nurturing touch, caring eye contact, and a voice that is warm and controlled.
3. Playful engagement- In this way, you are teaching the child to use their ‘words’ with a safe adult who can meet their needs – returning the ‘voice’ they lost through their history of harm. Redirect children without breaking stride like “Would you like to try it again with respect?” or “Are you askin’ or tellin’?” in a playful voice and tone is a way you can truly meet their needs. Playful Engagement reduces misbehavior dramatically over time because it strengthens the relationship between children and you, the caregivers.
Though these are not easy and immediate solutions. Consistency in care and love and grace, along with these principles, will make enormous strides with your child. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help as well. The Lord provides healing in different ways. Be open to all that He has for you during this rewarding and sometimes difficult journey.
If you are interested in learning more about TBRI® principles, OCA is here to help. Drop us an email at info@orphancarealliance.org and we can help guide you to some great resources.
Resources:
http://www.jennaflemingcounseling.com/blog-post/tbri-connecting-principles/
https://www.brendacrary.com/tbri-tips/tbri-tip-4-felt-safety